Drink is the curse of the ruling classes
DRINKING in the street is known to cause untold problems in Liverpool - not least during the Mathew Street Festival.
Mr Brocklebank has received numerous reports about revellers becoming increasingly rowdy and resorting to violence while enjoying the ill-fated festival this weekend.
The sight of young women pulling each other's hair out, and grown men slumped in doorways looking like Pinocchio after having his strings cut, is by no means edifying, and does little to commend the city to those who travelled here from farther reaches.
But it would seem the council is currently pre-occupied with a rather different type of street drinking - that being the type undertaken by the many lushes, their bulbous noses ablush with grot blossom, who can be found aperch steps and flopped on the public benches dotted around the city.
Mr B recalls with fondness the old down-and-out by the name of Mr Whizz-pop (known as such because of his penchant for making whizzing and popping sounds while sitting supping cider outside the adult shop on Seel Street.
And who could forget 'Bottle of Chips man', who earned his monicker after, while pleading hunger, betraying his real intentions to Mr B when asking "Hey lad, have you got a pound for a bottle of - chips".
Now, it seems, as well as trying to rid our streets of buskers, displaying the same enthusiasm for such decadent amusement as the Taliban, our city leaders have come up with the ingenious plan of creating a 'wet zone' at the top of Renshaw Street where the plonkies of Liverpool can now congregate together in a dedicated spot (although quite what was wrong with the "Bombed Out Church" across the way is anyone's guess).
Needless to say, local businesses are none too keen about this use of the amphitheatre-esque corner.
Mr B has a modest proposal for the council given the propensity for old soaks to come to blows when corralled together into one place. City leaders could organise gladiatorial "bum fights" and charge the public admission.
Any initiative to cope with the impact of government cuts is worth trying, after all. Hic.
THE cancellation of Mathew Street's Bank Holiday Monday leg certainly took the shine off the weekend, and stopped many enjoying some of the acts lined up for day two.
However, Mr B recalls how scheduling never got in the way of our civic leaders' enjoyment of last year's festivities.
During the 2011 extravaganza, a press release came through declaring how much certain councillors had enjoyed one of the acts who had performed.
However, it had to be discreetly pointed out to the council when the press release came through on the Sunday that the band in question were not actually performing until the Monday!
Well, you've heard one, you've heard them all!