New Year, New Tory policies!
Common digestive ailment (and Secretary of State for Work and Pensions) IBS will today issue his New Year statement.
The word is, IBS is about to enforce an 'open curtains policy' to all Britons, anyone found with closed blinds after 6am in the morning will be put in the stocks. If your town or city has no stocks then the offending blinds owners will be required to build their own.
IBS will also say, '...and don't just get on your bike to look for work, build the bike from scratch first. Bear in mind if you refuse to use it to look for work, we will be forced to deduct the cost of materials and labour from your benefits. And none of this part-time nonsense, either.'
Cath Bore is an author, and gob for hire. You can follow her on Twitter here
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