After accusations Liverpool Labour 'isn't what it used to be in the good old days', and instead 'chocka with posh birds from down south, mate', a bold new recruitment policy has been announced.

Thousands of minimum wage earners around the UK are due to take to the streets in protest tomorrow, disgusted at the plight of their fellow low paid - and the derisory pay rises offered to them.

This afternoon Secretary of State for Hard Graft and popular bowel bloating disorder IBS put his foot down on a section of the workshy not commonly challenged.

'Too many pop stars think they can just sit on their arses and not get cracking,' he said. 'It has to stop.'

It appears David Bowie - The Thin White Duke himself - has jumped to it at IBS' words, unexpectedly announcing today the release of his first new material for a decade.

Common digestive ailment (and Secretary of State for Work and Pensions) IBS will today issue his New Year statement.

The word is, IBS is about to enforce an 'open curtains policy' to all Britons, anyone found with closed blinds after 6am in the morning will be put in the stocks. If your town or city has no stocks then the offending blinds owners will be required to build their own.

IBS will also say, '...and don't just get on your bike to look for work, build the bike from scratch first. Bear in mind if you refuse to use it to look for work, we will be forced to deduct the cost of materials and labour from your benefits. And none of this part-time nonsense, either.'

Cath Bore is an author, and gob for hire. You can follow her on Twitter here

Cath's website is here and blog Mersey Writer About Town here

I took part in a debate about benefits on City Talk this week, with a Tory activist.
She claimed - as many of them do - there are loads of people who are on benefits that shouldn't be.

Pigs with snouts in the public trough - not MP expenses style, though. OH NO. Those on Incapacity Benefit are on a different scale, apparently.

I argued that this Tory (Coalition, my sweet behind) government was set on demonising the unemployed, citing the 'closed curtains while everyone else goes to work' line the cabinet is currently obsessed by.

If you gathered all of the families and friends of the 96 victims of the Hillsborough disaster and asked them for their stories, you'd get a uniform shared sense of loss. Understandable. Predictable, even. But if you explored each individual's journey over the past 23 years, every complex story of grief, disbelief, betrayal, hurt, anger, loss and a myriad of other emotions would be quite unique.

Long term supporter of the families Phil Scraton spoke on Wednesday night at St Georges Hall about his own journey, specifically as a member of the Hillsborough Independent Panel over the last couple of years.

You better watch out, you better not cry, you better pay up I'm telling you why,
Mr Tory's coming to town.
He's making his cuts, checking them twice,he doesn't think that benefits are nice,
Mr Tory's coming to town.
He sees where you are sleeping.
He knows if a bedroom's spare, that empty bed cant hide from him, he can tell if no one's there.
And if you've any children, and they number more than two,
you'd better hide the others, or he'll tax you for them too!
He can't wait for April, he's planned who he will curse
With extra cuts so he can make next Christmas even worse!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

ANON

Cath Bore is a author.
You can follow her on Twitter @cathbore, read her own blog MERSEY WRITER ABOUT TOWN HERE or visit her website HERE

I may be wrong here, but Prime Minster's Questions is intended for members of the House to ask questions of the PM.

What he's been up to, has he invaded any countries and not told us, that sort of thing.

The clue's in the name, the Twitter hash tag #pmq and the title that flashes across the screen on the telly.

Andrew Neil calls it thus - I am to understand - as do journalists political or otherwise, television presenters, politicians, the great unwashed (aka general public), the Speaker of the House, my cat...
Why then pray tell does Call me Dave Cameron seem to struggle to getting a grip on the concept?

I was out for a drink recently when I became intrigued by a conversation just out of my view. The person speaking was loud - and rather full of himself in my opinion - and so caught my attention.

My ears pricked up like a bloodhound at a weekend of hunting near the playing fields of Eton at the words 'All these dolites (sic) driving around in their BMWs while I'm working...' .

I heard a murmur of approval at his indignancy and I wish with all my might I'd made the effort to get off my backside and check out who the orator actually was.

Call Me Dave's problems with women have been well documented, he not only patronises female MPs from the opposition but humiliates those on his own side of the house as well, whilst sporting a schoolboy snigger across his mush.

Bad enough you'd think.

But he's not stopping there - why would he? Dave seems to be moving on to having an "issue" with disabled people as well.
Putting his attack on the income of the disabled and their carers aside, this last week alone he's dropped a couple of heavy hints about his mind set concerning disability.